Poem about experiencing the cycle of Domestic Abuse/Violence.
I Don’t Recognise Me
A shadow of my former self
once strong in soul and spirit
now a shaking quivering husk
how the hell, did I allow this.
I loved you with all my soul
an eternity together, so I thought
sharing a burning desire of love and lust
together, we were as one.
I should have seen the signs
little things at first, so subtle
mind games, controlling, never any trust.
I was no longer a free spirit.
What am I doing wrong, I feared
I’m driving you away, losing you.
It is my fault, I’ll do better
anything, just to please you.
Never realising, this was your control cycle
making me feel so worthless
you loved me, because no one else would
my soul broken, now so afraid.
Living in fear, constantly having to please
everything perfect for your homecomings
hiding my alcohol and drug crutches
just my means of getting through, another day.
Time passes by as in slow motion
always hoping, it will be better
my false hopes and dreams
soon to be completely shattered.
A little slap at first, then it begins
my fear of violence, committed
my life as a punch bag, began,
how did you become this monster.
Black and blue, the blood shows
hiding away so no one can see
a quivering wreck, not so pretty
cowered, by this coward, that I once loved.
Cut and bruised after all these years,
I crawled away to a safer place
a haven for me to heal and repair,
I was wrong, I’m not alone.
Self-confidence and spirit destroyed
a love of life teetering on the edge
time will heal, so they say,
alas, I’m long gone,
I don’t recognise me.
© Carol Robson 2011
