Poem about experiencing the cycle of Domestic Abuse/Violence.

I Don’t Recognise Me

A shadow of my former self

once strong in soul and spirit

now a shaking quivering husk

how the hell, did I allow this.

 

I loved you with all my soul

an eternity together, so I thought

sharing a burning desire of love and lust

together, we were as one.

 

I should have seen the signs

little things at first, so subtle

mind games, controlling, never any trust.

I was no longer a free spirit.

 

What am I doing wrong, I feared

I’m driving you away, losing you.

It is my fault, I’ll do better

anything, just to please you.

 

Never realising, this was your control cycle

making me feel so worthless

you loved me, because no one else would

my soul broken, now so afraid.

 

Living in fear, constantly having to please

everything perfect for your homecomings

hiding my alcohol and drug crutches

just my means of getting through, another day.

 

Time passes by as in slow motion

always hoping, it will be better

my false hopes and dreams

soon to be completely shattered.

 

A little slap at first, then it begins

my fear of violence, committed

my life as a punch bag, began,

how did you become this monster.

 

Black and blue, the blood shows

hiding away so no one can see

a quivering wreck, not so pretty

cowered, by this coward, that I once loved.

 

Cut and bruised after all these years,

I crawled away to a safer place

a haven for me to heal and repair,

I was wrong, I’m not alone.

 

Self-confidence and spirit destroyed

a love of life teetering on the edge

time will heal, so they say,

alas, I’m long gone,

I don’t recognise me.

 

© Carol Robson 2011