Category Archives: Humour

‘Just Saying How It Is’ comes to Camden Fringe Aug 12-14.

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‘Just Saying How It Is’ comes to Camden Fringe

CamdenFringe.         Rabbit Hole NW3 Theatre, Duke of Hamilton, Hampstead.

Aug12-14 9pm.

Tickets

Camden Fringe Poster

My Valentine Bad Luck by Carol Robson.

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(This is a revised version of a poem I wrote a few years back for an anti-valentine poetry slam)

My Valentine Bad Luck

Valentine’s day,
just another Hallmark day,
commercial hype to pluck your pockets.
Chaucers fault, with his love birds,
verse after verse cards
finger down throat words.

I’ve loved and lost all year round
Valentine’s day
doesn’t make it anymore special
A lover can fuck it up, on any day,
it happens to us all, straight or gay.

Valentine gifts arrive in different ways
Yet! Do they really know you?
Sometimes so clueless,
with chocs or other delicacies.
I’m on a bloody diet,
or they set off, my fucking allergies.

Then the one, who always buys flowers,
every significant date, a dozen of the best
Time to tell them, you really hate the rose,
especially if they get on one knee,
about to propose.

Once I received the perfect Valentine gift,
I thought.
Perfect gift, the most beautiful rabbit
Valentine bad luck, was to continue,
the rabbit died, went out like a light.
Suddenly realised, batteries included,
were really Shite.

If like me you’re on your own,
do spare a thought,
for those in love
For you still have choice and freewill.
Just grow old disgracefully,
before it all goes, downhill.
© Carol Robson 2015

Clinical Humour by Carol Robson (Audio)

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Clinical Humour (Audio)

[This poem is factual, I had my PIP Implants removed on May 24th 2012 under a local anaesthetic. I explained my humour to the surgeon, as I’m a Lesbian]
©Carol Robson 2014

Fixation With Genitalia (Audio)

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Fixation With Genitalia

Fixation With Genitalia is a poem I wrote for my Fringe show Finding Me(Take Me As I Am) this is a recording from a show I did in March 2014 in Huddersfield for Tea and Tarts WI.

Copyright: Carol Robson 2014

I Love You Marvin.

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I wrote this during my melancholy period which if I remember right was one August Saturday night after a few drinks around midnight.

I Love You Marvin

Time for me time
no longer giving to your time
I’m drained of energy
sort yourselves out
find somebody else to ask
there is always another mug
willing to listen
wishing you, would shut the fuck up.

My brain has gone to mush
years and years of listening
blah blah blah blah
same old stories repeated
get a fucking grip
you are the genius
the genius that can sort it
get a life, move on.

OMG I’ve turned into my hero
my morose, paranoid hero
you make me laugh, and cry
like you; ‘I didn’t ask to be made’
but at least I do have friends
your only friend was the rat
and he died in the cavity of your left ankle
I love your eternal brilliance
I love you for just being you
my Marvin the Paranoid Android

© Carol Robson 2012

Edinburgh Fringe review of my show

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Finding Me(Take Me As I Am)

‘The putty-like flexibility of spoken word allows
[Robson] to navigate this ever-changing universe with lyrical élan’

Edinburgh Fringe:

BroadwayBaby   4 Star Review